Each Day Counts

Life lessons at the fair

This post will be something new for me. I will be trying to ‘kill two birds with one stone.’ What I mean is that this post will be featured on www.eachdaycounts.com (my personal blog) and at www.modestofamous.com.

So here we go...

Yesterday I took my children to the fair and I learned quite a bit about the little beauties. For instance, Gracie, my five year-old who I could not get to take a shower alone six months ago for fear of drowning seems to have become a little daredevil. Watching her break free of her fears was a beautiful site. Watching her laugh while on the very top of the largest ferris wheel at the fair was very inspiring to me.

As for Lauren, my 10 year-old, I learned that she is still young enough to have a bit of fun with her aging Dad without worrying about the “cool” factor. But I know that in just a couple of years there will be no way in the world for me to get her to wear a goofy hat in public without worrying about being seen by a friend.

I savored every second with my girls yesterday and I let them sleep in today until noon because they were so worn out when they fell asleep last night. Being a part-time dad is rough and it is very, very difficult for me because of my health. I fear that I won’t get to see them grow up but more than that I fear that they won’t have great memories of me.

If I can’t get to the point where I get my liver transplant, I don’t want them thinking about what could have been. I want them to look back and think about that day when I went on the giant slide with them at the fair and let them do and eat just about whatever the heck that they wanted. I want them to learn from me that every day should be lived like tomorrow might not come. I want them to enjoy life and treasure every second that they have.

I’d like to thank Penny and Courtney at The Stanislaus County Fair for allowing us ice cream bars and water and a place for us to rest when I felt tired. I would also like to thank my in-laws for making the trip with us so special.

But most of all I would like to thank Lauren and Gracie for showing their daddy how to smile and laugh no matter how I feel and for making every day for me worth living even though there are some days when I just don’t want to fight anymore.

Love your kids today and hold them close to you. Let them eat something crazy and let them lose control a bit. They need to do those things just as much as we do.

Smile today!

Ruben/Mojo

Devil Ducks and Flaming Lips!

Here it is Monday night and the kids have been gone almost four hours.  Meg and I just got back from taking Tink for a walk and we are both tired.  I feel pretty good in regard to health but the itching is bad again tonight and I am physically exhausted.

The funny thing is that I am still happy no matter the health issues tonight because I had a wonderful weekend with my little family.  We went on an incredible picnic yesterday and as usual, Megan provided for us very well.  She thinks of everything and she never misses a beat.  You know...just typing that makes me a little teary out here.  I hate to think about it, but I pray that she is ok if I can't get through all of this crap.  She has so very much love to give!

Back to the weekend...last night we broke out the new fire pit and fired up a Duraflame log for the kids.  They wanted to make s'mores and they had a blast!  When Lauren was little I did not spend enough time with her and I was always worried about her being clean.  With Grace, I just let her go and be a kid and I am so glad that I have a second chance to do that.  I hope that I am a good daddy.  Not just a father or a dad, but a "daddy."  Meg still calls her dad that because he is so special to her.  I want to be special to my babies and I want them to always have fond memories of me.

To see the devil duck and a few other pics of our fun weekend, click here.  Also enjoy this video and don't worry,  Lauren is just fine.

Have a great week out there and find some time to breathe a bit in between tasks.  Life is so damn busy any more and that is sad sometimes.  We only have one shot at this life thing.  How do we know if we are doing it right?

Me....

As you can see from the reflection in my glasses, this is a self-portrait.  I am feeling a bit off today.  I have been fighting some sort of cold/allergy/flu thing and it is really zapping my energy.  I have been trying to get out and enjoy myself and the nice weather a bit regardless of my medical problems and maybe I should slow down but I really don't want to.  I want to feel alive and able.

Yesterday, I went and shot some photos of local rallies and I enjoyed that.  Taking photos is something that I really enjoy doing.  To see a few of my shots from yesterday click here.

Anyway, I took the self-portrait today just to remind myself that I am still ok.  I am still going and I am still standing tall.  I guess that is what matters most.  I could be doing much worse but I'm not and I need to savor this time when I can function like I am.

Smile today.  Do something in the sun.  Have a little fun and help someone if you can.  I am working on making some changes to keep this site looking fresh and more inviting.  Does anyone have any suggestions?

Friends

This is a photo of my friend Abbie and I that was taken by my friend Clark.  Abbie is one of those people that seems to have been brought into my life for a particular reason.  She has some health concerns like I do but she too has found love like I have and he loves her for her and forever and that keeps her going.  She is a talented writer and music fan also.  We have a great deal in common.  I want you all to get to know the people that I credit with helping me with my daily struggles.  I will write about my other friends soon.

On the health front, I am doing ok today.  My stomach hurts a bit and my side is a bit tender but that is common.  I still feel tired though.  It is really getting harder for me to stay up for a whole day and I am having a hell of a time facing that but I will be ok.  Whether she realizes it or not, Meg is looking at me lately with a bit more concern than usual.  The bags under my eyes are growing and I feel a bit slower than I have in a while.  But in three weeks, she will take my hand and call me her husband and I cannot wait for that.  We bought our marriage license yesterday and after we walked out of the office I kissed her and told that I love her.  She is so much more to me then she will ever know.

The last thing for today...I have been playing with ads on here.  I am not trying to get rich (they made two whole cents yesterday) but it would be cool if the blog paid for itself.  I have been using Google ads and they crack me up!  I never know what the heck they will be selling on here!  Last night they were selling adult footie pajamas!  The night before I was selling belly dancers! Anyway, if you take a sec to click on an ad or two, I would appreciate it.  You don't have to order up a dancer unless you want to! :-)  If you are offended with the ads and consider me a sell-out let me know that also.

Have a great weekend.  I will spend mine burning CDs for the wedding.  Smile folks.  We are all alive and doing alright.  Life is not so bad.

One last thing...We updated our wedding site today.  If you are interested, click here.

 

Damn...I am so tired!

This is the sort of photo that you end up with when you invite your friend to meet you at your house and you are not quite ready for the party that you are supposed to go to.  Thanks Clark!

Now about my weekend...

My parents were here and we had some massive slumber party action happening.  My parents, my babies, Meg and I all stayed over at Meg's parents house and everybody got along and had a great time. 

My ex-inlaws were the  type of religious people that always wanted people to change to their ways.  I did not do well with that.  I am sort of rebelious.  But you already know that.  I don't really like to conform to anything in particular...I sort of do my own thing and I always will.  I think everyone should have their own way of thinking and I want my kids to live that way also.

Ok...now on to more updates and stuff...

Health is alright but I am so tired.  I am fighting more and more everyday to stay awake a whole day and that is just no fun.  I am sick of living in a fog.  For the first time in my life I have so many things to do and they are all good for my soul but am I putting my health at risk to live like I do?  I live like I do because I am happy.  A while ago I decided that quality of life is much more important than quanity but as my wedding approaches, should that change?

I mean, Meg wants me around for as long as possible but does she want me around without me being happy with my life? My life lately has grown into a reality show of sorts and I keep everything I do and I think out here for all to read.  Maybe it is all getting too big.  But you know what...I have helped people and people have helped me.  If I quit being so active how can I get out there and do things to make people happy?  I guess this is one more thing I need to figure out.

But for today I will smile and sip some coffee and write.  I was just assigned to write an article about a woman that has inspired me more than just about anything or anyone else in my life.  She is battling round three of breast cancer and it may be in her lungs too.  How do I write about someone that I love that could die of this?  My mind is scrambled over this one.  Does anyone have a tip for me?

Also...I need to give a big fat hug and thank you to Shellibells.  Last week she took the time to send me a beautiful gift and ever since then I have been trying to buy her a rainbow on eBay!  Where can I buy one?  I need a big one.  Or maybe she does not really need one.  I mean, the pot of gold is obviously in her heart.

Wow...that post was all over the place.  My mind is running all over today.  Smile today and fight like hell to be happy.  Don't let anyone tell you are that you are not special and beautiful.  Thank you for reading my words.

Birthday Weekend

I am sitting here with Kanye West pumping into my ears via the ol' Video iPod and I am in a funky mood.  Once in a while I will get all stuck on a particular artist but this is getting ridiculous.  The beats are raw, the lyrics are deep and the samples are just flat inspired.

Ok...Ok...I'll write about something else now.  This past Sunday was my big 31 but I am thinking that as long as I keep wearing the rings in my ears, ripped jeans, designer glasses and funky leather jacket that I can keep folks believeing that I am still in my 20s.  The funny thing is that if they get too close they will see the lines in my face and the age in my eyes.  I guess that it is a good thing sometimes that I push people the hell away.  Wait a minute...that's not a good thing.  But that is what I do and I probably always will until I figure out who I really am.  But who the hell am I?  Has anyone seen me?  I seem to have lost myself...again.

But lately I must admit I have been better about letting folks get a bit closer.  Meg and I spent Saturday night with friends playing games and listening to music and we spent Sunday with Jim and Sheng taking crazy photos like the one above and watching movies.

So you can see, I am trying to let people get closer.  But you know what...If they get too close I usually push them the hell off me.  I am just not sure why.  Any ideas out there?  I guess I worry about having to say goodbye if I can't win this game that I play with my doctors.  But screw the doctors.  This is my battle to win.  I can keep the barbed wire on my heart and lose or I can strip down to reality and win.  Winning sounds better than losing.  I just need to maintain that attitude while I take handful after handful of pills that make me want to sleep and not wake up.

Anyway, I am rambling now so I will go away and come back later with iPod in hand and new thoughts in my mind.  If you like the goofy pic above, click here to see many many more.  You know... I have over 1,400 pics of my life online now.  That is just crazy.  But it is nice to be able to flip a switch and press a few buttons so I can see myself smiling when the pain comes and I need to remember that I can actually smile.  It is nice to flip that switch and press those buttons and know that I used to be able to have happiness in my heart.

Enjoy the day.  Download some Kanye West, eat some killer Sushi and try to remember that smiles are like sunshine even if it is raining like it is here.

Soaked

The rain is coming down here in what is supposed to be a very powerful and wet California storm.  But usually when a storm around these parts gets this much hype it dies down and does nothing more than make a mess.  We will see what happens.  I won't break out the sand bags just yet but I will wear the Goretex shoes just in case of accidental puddle exposure.  Wow...that was a really fancy way of saying, "Damn.  I hope I don't step in a puddle!"

So the weekend was great.  The photo above is one that I took in a town near here called Knight's Ferry. (Click here to see more photos)  I took my friend Daniel and the girls for an adventure there and we had fun.  It was hard in a way though.  I mean, when I was a kid adventures were fun and exciting.  I looked forward to them.  But the kiddos sort of hurt my feelings yesterday because they made it clear that they would rather be at the mall or watching television then exploring history.  They are so much like their mother and it breaks my heart sometimes.

I want to be the ice cream buying dad and the adventure seeking dad.  I want to do the things with them that I did as a kid but they may not want that.  Any ideas out there?

In regard to health I am not feeling so great.  Symptoms of a liver disease include dark urine, lack of energy, easy bruising and short term memory loss.  I seem to be dealing with them all right now and maybe that is why I feel a bit gray today.

The main thing that I really hate though is the memory loss.  It is so strange.  Meg can ask me to do something and I will just forget.  It is embarassing.  But as usual, she is being supportive and accepting and I love that about her.  She is amazing to be able to live with someone like me.  I am a walking medical mess!  Click here to see a photo that really made me think about her and life.  Wherever I end up with this illness, I will know that she will be by my side no matter what.

I hope that the start of every ones week is great out there.  I will be doing what I can to stay strong and focused out here.  I will do what I can to fight like hell and keep smiling.  Again I say, thank you for taking the time to read my words.  Keep in touch!

Do cows bite?

Howdy readers!  I am sitting here listening to Kanye West and I must admit, this arrogant ass is a darn fine rapper.  There is something about the way his words flow.  Maybe I could be a rapper.  Ok...If I had some people I would call my people and tell them to gas up the jet or something so we could make a flight to "the studio."  Ok...so maybe I won't ever be a famous rapper and I won't ever have "people."  Wait!  Do doctors and nurses count?  I'll have lots of those!  And my goofy friend Daniel.  He could be my people too!

Well, I am rambling as usual now so I better get to the "meat" of this post.  I say "meat" because I am about to write about a cow!  Is that really just totally insensitive?  I mean...they are meat right?  Anyway, Meg and I went on a quick photo romp yesterday and we had some fun.  She climbed a tree!  I refused.

So, she wanted to see almond blossoms because they are pretty to her and I have learned that if she see things things that are pretty to her that her eyes light up.  And when her eyes light up they are pretty to me.  I mean...not just pretty.  Amazing.  Incredible.  Deep.  Maddening.  She has nice eyes.  Enough said.

So while we were cruising for blossoms we came across some cows and although very, very dirty they were alot of fun!  I was able to pet a few, get licked a bit and laugh.  It was like a hot San Francisco strip club except there were cows instead of hot babes.  Wow! That was a horrible way to put that!  Anyway, do cows bite?  Some strippers do!

So you can tell that I'm being playful and light here and I must admit that when I act this way it is because I am really hurting.  Yep...the pain is really kicking my butt today.  But I will be ok.  In two hours I will watch my little girl take to the stage at her school and no matter how bad my pain is, she will make it go away.  Little girls are pain relievers.  Maybe I should name my first child with Meg Percocet or Oxycontin.  Maybe not.  But they do relieve pain with magic smiles and gentle hugs.  They are amazing little people.

So go find some amazing little people today and hold them (kidnapping is just not cool.)  Love them.  Treat them to a toy or a walk in the park.  I will be ok today.  I will be here tomorrow.  That I know for sure.  And you know what, that is all that matters!

Smile today!

Mouthfuls...

Sunday is already here and the laziness has begun!  It is hard to believe how fast that time goes by anymore.  Yesterday Megan and I spent the  day in Sacramento, CA (no we did not see Govenor Ahnold) visiting my best friend and his wife and it was alot of fun.  Before we got to the house to visit Matora, Megan and I spent some time in Old Sacramento near the Sacramento River and as you can see, we had some fun being silly and eating way too much crap!  I love that photo of Meg!  Check out the little boy in the background.  I think he fainted just after I shot the phot0!

So, health is ok around here although I have been having a hard time falling asleep every night.  I just hope that I can keep sleeping every night.  I hate it when I go for days without sleep!  I end up feeling (and looking) like a zombie and that is just not good!

So I hope that everyone out there is having a great long weekend.  Tell me about your adventures.  Did you climb a mountain, plant a garden, go parasailing, save a family from a burning house?  Really, I love to hear what people are up to out there.

Enjoy the day! Smile!

Click here to see more photos our adventure yesterday!

That same link will take you to 1,345 photos of our life!  You could overdose on Rube and Meg!!!!  We are addicting like crack because we are just so damn sexy! :-)

Hat Shopping For Dummies

I have been feeling a bit down lately so my crazy friend Daniel dragged me out of the house the other day and we went exploring a bit.  Usually when we get together something terrible goes wrong but this outing was just plain hilarious! 

We tried on some hats and took some cool pictures of some really strange things.   We even found something that was just too strange to believe without photo proof! 

We actually saw some crazy Barbie Doll Hate Crime!  Click here for the evidence! (When the three photos come up simply click on any one to see it larger.)  We couldn't believe it.  Someone actually hung Barbie from a tree!  Who would do something like that?  We went to see a creek, a walking/biking trail and some cool scenery and ended up seeing Barbie strung up.

So now I can say that I made another day count and that is just what I need to do.  That is what we all need to do!  Life is all right here for me.  I feel much better now than I was feeling. 

So here's to crazy friends, Barbie dolls, goofy hats, The Village People and a sense of adventure.   Tomorrow take some time and go have some fun!  Just be careful where you go!  You may come across a crime scene!